N is for...

     is for needy.



It's much past my bedtime, yet I can't go to sleep.  I'm not sure if it was the half hour nap I took late this afternoon or the espresso covered gelato I enjoyed for dessert at my favorite restaurant.  Probably a combination of the two not so wise choices, so here I am writing and hoping that I will soon drift off into dreamland. 

I was thinking about my word for the letter "n".  I've chosen the word needy because it's something that I'm realizing I need to embrace.  Over the past few years, I have found such empowerment in being self-sufficient.  I have a job I love, I have many friendships and activities to fill my time, I have a wonderful church, and I have goals that I'm working on such as attaining my master's degree or training for mini marathons.  I'm proud that I'm becoming the woman that I wanted to be as a young girl, yet I must acknowledge that this self-reliance isn't completely all that it's cracked up to be.  You see, this has another side to it, a very ugly side.  When God is blessing me in these areas of life and allowing me to succeed, I often forget to give Him the glory for it.  Sadly (and very honestly), I also often become more focused on me and less focused on Him. 

I recently began attending a different church and got connected through a young adult Bible study group.  I've been so encouraged by these godly men and women who are seeking to grow in God and to live lives pleasing to Him.  It challenges me to slow down, to prioritize, to fellowship, and to become more of a Christ-centered woman instead of a self-centered being.  I find that as I focus more clearly on Him, I realize how truly needy I am.  When I let Him fill me, I thirst for more.  I want to feel needy for Jesus, to be humbled and aware that I am nothing without Him.  In Christ, I can stand tall and be a woman of God who does good things for Him.  May my pride be squelched when it arises, may I be needy rather than self-reliant, and may I continually desire more and more of my Savior.