11.11.2011

Control Freak

Well, it's officially been, oh......about forever since I've written on here.  Life has a way filling up with busyness, activities, and responsibilities that take away from creativity.  So here I am again trying to figure out what to say that might be worth reading.  I feel a responsibility to really put something important on my blog if people are going to take the time to click on it and think about what I've written.  I guess I haven't had anything that earth-shattering to talk about in a while, but then again, you just never know what someone needs to read or hear in their day.  So here I am, back and blogging.

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Do you ever have those moments like I do when you think no one could know the real you better than yourself?  Well, at least until God steps in and reminds you that He does?  Being a teacher and type A personality, I am big on planning ahead, preparedness, and routine.  This is all grand and good; I think it makes me really enjoy and excel as an educator and grad student.  I spoke to the adviser for my master's program on the phone about a week ago and thoroughly appreciated her willingness to plan out when and how I should take each class over the next year and a half.  I like to have my goal in sight and slowly check off my progress in getting there.  I'm a mental and actual list maker.  I owe much appreciation to the inventor of Post-it notes.  (The really big ones with the lines on them are my favorite!)  I know that God created me to be this way to fill certain roles and purposes which is pretty awesome.

Being Miss Prepared and goal oriented, very in tune with who I am in the full array of my strengths and weaknesses, God most certainly has a way of reaching in the midst of it and reminding me that it is HE who holds the world and my very being in His hands.  I love the beautiful words of Psalm 139: "O Lord, you have searched me and know me......you are familiar with all my ways (parts of vs.1-2).  Is it just me, or is it both extremely humbling and also incredibly amazing that the Creator of our entire universe knows us each better than we know ourselves.  The good, the bad, and the ugly.  I know that He is completely aware of the discomfort that a lack of control in my life brings to me, but I know that good comes from the trials we experience.  What He is teaching me in this moment is the ability to relinquish control to Him, to truly trust the path He has laid out ahead of me even though it may not be visible to my eyes just yet.  I'm thankful that He's shaping and molding me, shaving away the rough edges to make me lean heavily on His power instead of my own feeble attempts.  "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."  Proverbs 3:5-6

If God gave me a Post-it note, I think He might have a list much more essential than grading papers, doing the laundry, or reading an article for class.  What might it say?  "Trust me, Cassie.  Lean on me today.  Talk to me.  Praise me.  Accept my blessings.  Love others."  Maybe I am a little bit of a control freak, but I'm being reminded each and every day to have HIS way in my life.  It's funny that letting that happen is really the most prepared and secure anyone could ever hope to be.    

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